


Within the Shadows of His Heart

by Nights_angel



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, just a bunch of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29226318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nights_angel/pseuds/Nights_angel
Summary: The Doctor recalls Bad Wolf Bay and Clara asks the TARDIS some questions about a certain past companion.
Relationships: The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Kudos: 10





	Within the Shadows of His Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

The Doctor came for Clara at the end of her shift like he always does, but he hadn’t come out to see if she was there this time. Clara opened the Tardis door tentatively and poked her head inside to see the Doctor standing at the console, a bouquet of pink and yellow roses in one hand and a coffee held out in her direction in the other. She stepped inside, closing the door behind her and took the cup of coffee gratefully once she had reached his side.

There was a determined look on his face as he began flipping switches and throwing levers. But he always had a determined look when he was flying the Tardis. It’s just that, this time seemed different somehow. Then she noticed there was sadness mixed with that determination. It was that bouquet of roses still in his hand, clutched tightly to his chest. She also realized that she had been hearing the Tardis sing. She never heard the Tardis’ song before. It was so sad…

The Tardis landed and Clara realized the Doctor hadn’t spoken a word since she came on board. But he turned to her now and for the briefest moment, she saw tenderness in his eyes. The kind that said he was feeling just a bit vulnerable. She hadn’t seen that yet in this regeneration.

“There’s something I need to do, Clara. Then we can go, anywhere you want. Your choice.” His voice almost sounded broken and there was nothing in it that would indicate she was invited to step outside the Tardis with him.

“Yeah, ok,” she responded automatically, concern showing in her eyes.

The Doctor gave a small smile and walked past her, roses still clutched to his chest, toward the Tardis doors. Clara could see a beach on the other side as the Doctor stepped out and closed the door behind him. Clara sips at her coffee as she stares at the door, wondering what has him in such a state. She looked up at the time router not expecting an answer to any question she might ask, but she finds herself musing out loud anyway.

“What was that about?”

But to her surprise, the Tardis answers, in her own way. A holographic projection appeared of a blonde woman. Clara noticed that the projection was moving, like a home movie. She realized she recognized the woman though the Doctor had never told her the woman’s name.

In the projection, the blonde was standing there in tight jeans and a union jack t-shirt and too big leather jacket smiling brightly with her tongue between her teeth and eyes crinkled at the corners. Just as she started to move the image changed to her sitting on a seat and talking to someone the projection didn’t show. The next image was of the woman sitting on a counter, dresses in nothing more than a man’s button down dress shirt. The only indication of anyone else with her were a pair of hands on her thighs, drawing circles with their thumbs. She was looking up at whoever it was with lust in her eyes and parted lips. When it changed again, she was laying asleep on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace and covered with only a sheet. This time the projection showed Clara who was with the other woman. A man came into view, wrapping an arm around the blonde, looking down at her and brushing her hair out of her face, just watching her sleep. Clara recognized the man. It was the Doctor in his tenth regeneration. The Tardis lingered on this image much longer than the others.

“What happened to her?”

The Tardis seemed unwilling to change the image, continuing to linger on this one for a while longer. But when it did finally change, Clara almost wished she hadn’t asked. The woman in the projection was standing on some wind swept beach, much like the one the Doctor had stepped out onto. That made Clara stop for a moment and realized that it might, in fact, be the very same one. She turned her attention back to the projection. The blonde woman stood, wind whipping through her hair, frozen tears in her eyes and Clara could see her mouth the words ‘I love you’.

“But…what happened to her? Why isn’t she with the Doctor anymore?”

The Tardis didn’t answer her, shutting down the projection and going quiet. Clara sighed to herself, knowing she was pushing too much.

“Alright, Old Girl, no more questions. It’s obvious you miss her as much as the Doctor does. You both loved her, didn’t you?” It was really more of a statement despite being posed as a question and the Tardis hummed in a way she knew was meant as conformation.

Outside the Tardis, the Doctor stood on this Universe’s Dårlig Ulv Stranden, looking out over the ocean. It had bothered him more than he cared to admit that all the Dalek could see in his soul was hate. He had known love once. True love. A bright light in the darkness that was his soul and hearts. She made him better. That was until the Universe took her away.

He clutched the bouquet of roses even tighter to his chest, if that were possible and stood just out of the water’s reach, remembering. He wasn’t sure what was worse, the bits he could remember, or the bits he couldn’t. Blonde hair seemed to appear and disappear out of the corner of his eye. He could see her face in his mind, of her running ahead of him down one of the Tardis’ many corridors, smiling and laughing as she went. He gave chase to her. He was younger then, felt and looked younger. And then he had caught her….best not to finish that train of thought. 

A tear slid down his cheek.

Then the Daleks and Cybermen came, bringing their war to Earth. And then she was gone and darkness came again. A darkness he was convinced he would never be free of. Perhaps that Dalek had been more right than it would ever know. The Doctor sighed heavily and lay the roses down on the sand and a tear drop landed on the center pink rose as he stood and turned back to the Tardis.


End file.
